Where Did You Sleep Last Night?
by whynotlie
Summary: AU: Midnight Sun: B/E. Edward is very aware that most females find him attractive, but they also find him intimidating. Bella however, is a locked up secret, and when she one night present him the key to her thoughts, Edward is left speechless.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I was re-reading Midnight Sun recently and I couldn't help to think about those interviews with Rob where he's saying that 'Bella is so obsessive' and 'The books are written in a very obsessive way'. The funny thing is, that while reading Midnight Sun I came to realize that Edward is just as obsessive as Bella. Perhaps even more. So I decided to give this a shot and see how it turned out, and besides… I have a thing for Creepward. Sue me.**

**I also warn you for lurker typos. I didn't have a beta for this one, but if you happen to be interested in betaing a possible fanfic, please let me know!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related. All rights served to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with her spades in her sandbox.**

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**EPOV**

We were seated in my car outside her house after I had driven Bella home from school, and I smiled wholeheartedly while I leaned over in my seat to test my theories about her fluttering heart. Sure, the increasing of her heartbeat and her erratic breathing could be a product of fear, anxiety and horror. However, when I turned on my charm for any other mortal female, I knew that I was playing havoc with their minds – given that I could read their every single thought – and I also knew that it was only physical attraction.

Luckily…

Otherwise I would be questioning their state of mind, and I was already worried about Bella.

Her breath hitched and the deep chocolate orbs – which seemed to enthrall me more each and every day – spaced and went to a place far beyond my imagination.

Was she really attracted to me like the way I was to her? Would she be bothered if I asked her? Surely she would.

She was a smart girl, and I bet her subconciousness knew that I was something afar from her kind. I wished that thought would sooner or later get the best of her, but at the same time I willed that thought away.

I knew I was in love with this fragile little human from the first time I heard her say my name in her sleep.

"Uhm, Edward?" she spoke quietly, not trusting her voice. Her breath cascaded down my throat and my inner monster rejoiced. I hadn't realized that I had moved so close to her that if I just leaned a mere inch forward, my lips would instantly touch hers.

I carefully picked one of her eyelashes out of their roots as a distraction – thanks to my swift fingers she wouldn't notice I did this on purpose – as I straightened up in my seat and cleared my throat.

"You had a stray eyelash." I showed it to her. The small, naturally black lash gently placed on the tip of my index finger. She blinked her eyes and furrowed her brows, as if she didn't believe me even though the evidence was right before her.

"Make a wish." I spoke quietly, and her features softened. A small smile played at her lips before she blew at my finger and closed her eyes, making a wish that might or might not come true.

I would never know.

If it was up to me I would grant her as many wishes she wanted, and I would gladly oblige to fulfill every single one of them if I only knew what she truly wanted.

I knew I lied to myself the instant the thoughts came to my mind. Of course there were some things that I would never be able to give her no matter how much I wanted to. Love, happiness… And most of all, immortality, I couldn't be that selfish and steal her life away just like that.

Also, if it were up to me I would harass her until she couldn't bear to keep it secret.

Oh, how I would love to turn this girl into something unbreakable, something I could love and cherish with my whole body. Something _mine_.

I owned a lot of things that I was proud of, such as books and journals from the early 1920's, the very first LP ever made with Beethoven's 8th Symphony, a perfume by Coty from the 1900's that my mom wore and my dad's old wallet, my grand piano and last but not least, 104 years of life experience.

But this was all to no use when I had no heart that could feel the joy of owning these things. They never felt truly mine, as long as I didn't have anything to love _with_.

This was where Isabella came into the picture. She made me feel so entirely different, it was as if she had given me a new pair of eyes, or CPR. Without her I would cripple and loose whatever there was that I gained just by being near her.

No glasses could restore that broken vision.

But I knew that I had to leave.

Some day.

Not yet...

She laughed and opened her eyes, "This is silly, you know. My mom used to do this when I was little," her hands combed her hair back in one fleet motion, "But then I outgrew her and I ended up being the one returning the gesture." Did I see sadness in her eyes?

As far as the endeavor of unlocking one of her secret thoughts go, I would have to call this a failure attempt. Like any other time I was with Bella, I became too distracted with something else about her. She was just too fascinating for her own good, for not to mention my good. I was on the rim of killing, just to know her inside out. Needless to say, that also made me a hypocrite.

"That's too bad. You can never get too old to be a kid." I spoke gravely.

This statement didn't really apply to me because although I had 104 years on my sleeve I personally didn't know how to be a normal child anymore, let alone a teenager. Then again, after Bella entered my… existence, she somehow managed to stir all those human memories back to life.

Joy and anger, jealousy…lust. And love.

"What's wrong" She spoke softly while her eyes searched for mine.

"Nothing in particular. Why do you ask?"

"You're angry with me, aren't you?" She said in a quiet whisper and I didn't know what to say. In one way I was angry, her making me feel this way, on the other hand all I could truly feel was joy. Joy that I was with her.

"You always assume I'm angry. Why is that?" I asked, curious now that I thought about it.

"I can see it in your eyes… Edward," – my name on her lips made my dead heart swell – "Besides, I can read people too. "

"Is that so?" The corner of my lip twitched and I looked at her, "Actually, I have a theory about that." Her eyes lit up in approval and she steadied herself in her seat, waiting for me to start talking.

"I think…" I decided to test her, "I think both you and I are secretly mind readers but we won't tell each other in fear to get categorized as a freak. How's that?"

At first I thought she would laugh, but then she did this strange frown and her face melted into envy, "I wish I could read your mind."

I don't, "I wish I could read yours." Mental blocks should be damned to the fiery pits of hell.

She gazed at me and I was hyperaware that her hand was about touch mine, most likely instinct. Even if she couldn't possibly know what I was thinking she was definitely a good reader like myself, and right now she was probably thinking that I looked sad or not so unlikely, depressed.

I most certainly was.

My thirst was just about to get the better side of me as her hand inched closer to mine, and I casually leaned over to open the door for her. Then I it dawned on me that I shouldn't have done that.

I had been making too many excuses to touch her lately. She would notice.

Unfortunately, she always did.

"Okay, so I better get going," I spoke quickly, as I pushed the door open, trying to make it look harder than it actually was, "I would much rather have my blood sucked out than suffer from Rosalie's punishment for letting her wait outside in the rain."

She snickered, and it felt good to joke about something that was more like an ironic inside joke to me. She would never know.

The minute she got out of the car I felt a sudden pang of regret. Rosalie wouldn't get mad at me for letting her stand outside in the rain, because she wasn't even waiting for me to pick her up. This was my desperate attempt to keep the monster from attacking.

"Bye," She said and waved her tiny hand as she walked backwards to her house, "Thanks for the ride. I bet my truck engine will give me a heart attack when you allow me to drive it again."

There was something in her eyes. Hope, maybe? Hope for me not letting her drive her truck ever again? No, that was just my wishful thinking.

_Stay with me Bella. Don't go._

"Lets hope not." I said wistfully, albeit a smile crept onto my face unwillingly. "Lets." She agreed with a nod and turned her back on me, her rain boots making squeaking sounds as she walked. I slammed the door shut, watched her jump and nearly fall over in shock, guffaws emerging my mouth before I could even think about stopping it. Her head turned slowly, shoulders hunched, and she shot me the most evil look I've ever seen on a human before.

This, of course, did not help me stop. The expression 'die from laughing' had never seemed more possible than right now.

She continued stomping up the steps to her door and I floored the gas, sending my car at full speed forward, thanking god that Chief Swan was still at work.

Now, that I was in a much better mood, I couldn't seem to do anything else than look forward to tonight, when I would be watching her sleep.

Again.

…

I didn't have to wait long. Seven hours passed quickly, amazingly so, and I found myself humming a familiar tune that had swirled around in my head for quite a while now. Maybe it was time to visit my old piano.

Trees by trees swayed gently in the wind, and I could hear the echoes of the owls singing in the night. I had been running so fast that when I reached her house I could still see lights on in her room. Normally, she would be asleep by now.

I could see her silhouette at the wall and I watched carefully as I saw her pacing back and forth, restless perhaps. I decided to climb up one of the trees a couple meters away so she wouldn't see me, and when I was comfortable I granted myself one single look. Just in case.

Her body was dressed in a white tank top and brown boy short, which was rather odd being Bella; she always slept in a t-shirt and sweats. Maybe her father had turned up the heath a bit too much, and she felt warm.

_I_ didn't mind. Or well, I did – too much bare skin for me to resist – but my human self sprung to life, and I couldn't help but let my eyes roam those long, silky white legs that she so often covered up. I soaked the vision in. I doubted there would be an encore in the near future.

I tried to shake myself. Since when did I think of her as something so… so sexual? What if Bella caught me watching her sleep one day? Would she think I was a pervert? Would she understand if I said I was only human? I most definitely felt like one right now.

As she finally decided to go to sleep I watched her hips sway from side to side sensually. What on earth was she doing? This wasn't at all like her.

I jumped to a tree closer to her window in an effort to hear what she was saying.

"…Perhaps I'm not girly enough for him," she spoke quietly as she did a little twist, nearly tripping but she steadied herself towards her bedpost, "Stupid." She sighed.

Who was she talking about? It certainly wasn't me, why would she care what I thought of her?

As she caught herself in the mirror by her bed, she started touching her hair and shoulders and collarbones and… oh no. Her hands graced her breasts.

I pinched the bridge of my nose while I shut my eyes tightly. This was beyond torture. Sure I had seen every particular scene and position that could relate to sex at all in the heads of the filthy humans. But this was entirely different.

This was painful… but in a very pleasant way.

"I can't be sexy for him, even if I tried." I opened my eyes to see her hands resting on her hips, the tank top pulled up so that her stomach was showing and sadness written in her eyes.

She shook her head while she blew some hair out of her face, "Hopeless."

Her entire frame fell back on her bed and she threw a pillow over her head in defeat. After a while I noticed she started pulling at her covers and she managed to cover parts of her legs, most of her body still victim to exposure.

When her breathing evened and her heartbeat steadied I climbed up to her window and opened it soundlessly, thanks to my can of oil. I jumped in and closed the window before I went directly towards her to cover her up properly.

She hummed in her sleep and trashed her head under the pillow that was still lying on top of her head. I tried to pry her fingers carefully loose so I could replace it under her head, but she was determined to hold on so eventually I had to use force. I really didn't want to wake her up, and neither would she.

Or her father for that matter...

I did manage to get her fingers to loosen up after a while, and I gently lifted her head up and placed it on the pillow. There. Much better.

Her hands suddenly got a mind of their own and shot out to grab my neck. I remained perfectly still in shock.

Did she wake up?

Where were the screams?

I peeked down at her face and saw that her eyes were still closed and her breathing hadn't changed at all. Her scent however…

"Edward, stay." She whispered softly and tugged gently at the hair in the nape of my neck. I gasped silently. What was this? I had no idea, "Please?"

Her murmuring plea cooed in my ears and I did what I thought I would never be able to do; I lied down on the bed next to her.

I wasn't entirely sure what was happening, but one thing was for sure, and that was she wasn't awake. She smiled gently as she positioned her head in the crook of my neck, her arm across my chest, and I could feel her hot breath tickle in my ear. For some surrealistic reason my inner monster kept quiet as she did this, although I had never been this close to a human in decades. The feeling that was overpowering the thirst was so much stronger, much more potent. I loved her.

"Could you hold me? I'm cold." She spoke again, this time in a more normal voice.

So she was sleep talking. For real this time around and not just small words that normally didn't make sense at all. Not that she made any more sense now. I didn't know how to help preventing the cold, but I tried to tuck her in as properly as possible so her skin wouldn't have any contact with mine. What I wouldn't give to run an average body temperature just for now.

Suddenly I got an idea. I prayed for it to work.

"Better?" I asked quietly while I wrapped my arms around her petite body. _Please, please, please let this work._

"Much. Thank you"

I blinked as I could feel her soft lips move against the skin on my neck. How bizarre to think that I was the one supposed to be draining blood from her neck, and now she was gathering all my nerves at the exact same spot by using her lips. I looked down at her brown locks and started caressing them.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you draw a letter on my back and then I can guess what letter it is?" She asked pleadingly, and I nearly laughed, "If you don't mind."

I nodded in approval although she wouldn't see that, "Of course, Bella." I added softly. Anything for you…

My fingers started drawing the letter P but then I remembered that she probably wouldn't understand my writing, so I pretended to erase it with my finger and started over.

"F for Forks?" She guessed and I told her no. I started writing W, but she guessed wrong again so I decided to go with an easy one.

"I?" My mouth formed a grin, "Yes, correct." I decided to ask her something.

"Bella, what do you like the most about me?" It probably wasn't fair towards her, but I couldn't help it. This was my chance and I wouldn't waste it by any chance, "I mean, if you like me at all."

She pursed her lips and her brows knit together a little, as if she was in deep thought, "I like… your smile! And your eyes, and you have funny hair," Her words was muffled by my neck again, and this time I could nearly feel the tip of her tongue, "But what I like the most is you. You're the best. You're so kind and pretty, and you drive a shiny Volvo. And you have siblings that don't like me; and you listen to Debussy in your car. Oh, and you have funny hair. B." She spoke out of context but I couldn't really blame her. Poor girl didn't have the faintest idea of what she was saying and… and now she was kissing my neck softly. It was a sensation like no other.

"That's nice of you to say. And the letter is correct." I was in a trance, but my hand kept forming letters on her back. At times she would hum and moan a little and I quite liked that.

"B for Bella by the way." She said and huffed. After failing at a few other letters she finally guessed L right.

"L for love." I added, and smiled. I felt so silly and stupid and weird and…. human.

When I had written almost the entire alphabet and was starting on the last remaining, she giggled and tightened her grip around me. "E for Edward. Did you see the pattern?" She asked and I was confused, "No, enlighten me please?"

She hoisted herself up so her mouth was next to my ear and murmured, "I. Bella. Love. Edward." The words were pronounced carefully. Then she laughed again, "How cheesy is that?"

I smiled. I didn't know what to say other than _I love you too_. But I didn't, and I wouldn't. She was sleep talking, no need to take anything too seriously, but still…

"Edward?" I could feel her grip on me loosen, "I really like you."

"I really like you too, Bella. But tomorrow you won't remember anything and so this won't have any meaning at all." I was depressed. How I wished she would wake up now and tell me that she had been awake all along.

"That's too bad…" She spoke sincerely and I nodded again, "Maybe I should tell you I'm in I love with you now then, before I forget?"

My heart felt like it had been electrocuted and I shot my eyes at her, not believing what I had just heard, "I-I guess."

"I love you, Edward. More than you'll ever know." She mumbled and turned around with her back pressed up against me, radiating heat.

"Sweet dreams, Isabella. I love you more than my lost life." I gave her hair a final, tender stroke, and I was half expecting her to respond.

"Kay." She said and she sighed heavily.

She remained silent during the rest of the night while I was wide awake trying to find a reasonable excuse to stay with this sleeping beauty forever.

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**Reviews are the bomb like movie!billy in movie!charlie's opinion. Care to give me one?**


	2. Feel The Envy

**AN: So I just couldn't let this story go quite yet, and I've been receiving a lot of good response from the previous chapter! You have no idea how much those reviews mean to me, even though it's just a few, and they really make me want to continue writing.**

**I had a lot of visitors on the first chapter, 1,129 cool kids which I owe my life to, and to me this is insane because I'm only used to having my friends and teachers reading my stuff! Again thank you.**

**Now, I don't know how long this story is going to be, but I can assure you that it won't be more than 10 chapters. Probably less. But we'll see. I go with the flow, so if you guys like it, I write it. I also do requests for this story, so if there is something you'd like to read, just let me know and I'll see if I can fit it in.**

**Oh, and I am trying to go along with the Midnight Sun timeline, but the plot it different in many ways. Just in case you were wondering…. Ha…**

**NO BETA THIS STORY. Just beware of lurker typos.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight, or Midnight Sun for that matter. Stephenie Meyer does. I'm just playing in her sandbox and using her spades and buckets.**

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**EPOV**

Bella didn't sleep talk much again.

Only once in a while would she mumble something incoherent, and she would also say my name. A lot. And I never really got used to it.

The day after her sleep talking I recognized some visible changes in her physical appearance. To the human eye she would look exactly the same, perhaps more rested, but nothing grand in particular.

To me, she looked stunning.

Her skin was still fair and nearly translucent, but a warm flush had claimed its property. Not only just along her cheekbones, but every single part of her skin that was exposed seemed somewhat warmer. Her hands were more vivid as she gesticulated while talking to Angela, and I remembered what it felt like when her slender fingers had caressed the back of my neck. _So soft…_

She also dressed differently. She wore more colors today, but I don't think it was a conscious decision from her part. She came off as happier…lighter.

Even her hair looked healthier. The red tints would shine every now and then when the light hit it in just the right way, and it radiated such a rich scent of strawberries I was absolutely positive that if I were human, my mouth would water from the smell. But of course, my mouth was watering nonetheless.

And her eyes… Those beautiful, hazel eyes had so much depth in them I was afraid I would lose it if I ever let myself stare into them for too long. Also, the small rays of gold were more prominent today, and I found myself laughing at that. How ironic.

Her entire being just seemed very proportional and…. right. I wished I could take credit for all of these changes, but I knew that I would be lying to myself. However, if that turned out to be a fact, I would ensure that she glowed like this more often. She was nearly irresistible.

And like a gift from god, she kept glowing throughout the days of the week.

The only quirk about this was that her mental aspects didn't seem affected at all. She really had forgotten all about it, not that she was aware of anything happening that night anyway. And I was sad.

Sad, because Bella looked so beautiful where she had laid in my arms.

Sad, because she had seemed so indifferent to everything, like she didn't have a care in the world.

And I was sad… because it had in fact been real. But I had been the only conscious player in our little games.

I walked to Calculus in a zombie-like state, much like I used to do pre-Bella. My thoughts were wandering to the other minds of Forks High, and I could help but feel empty.

They were all so happy. All equally careless and selfish. They didn't have the slightest idea of all the real torturous things that were happening all around them every single day. But they were just too blind to see. Or maybe even too blind to care…

Bella's been in a good mood this week… Hah, probably thinks she's got a chance on Mike. She better know that he's taken. Or at least he's about to be claimed!

The rather loud thoughts of Forks High's front… bitches – if I were to categorize them – Jessica Stanley, made sure to point out, and I immediately focused on watching Bella's figure through her eyes. Bella shifted recklessly from side to side, while Mike was talking about some trip he was planning this weekend. I didn't hear her answer, the reason being Jessica keeping her distance so that she could glare at them both in secrecy.

She was really stupid, this girl who had once tried to hit on me, and she had also made sure it wasn't discreet. I had caught onto her drift even before she was aware of it herself, and I hadn't been quite so discreet about turning her down either. I had felt justified to walk away from her offers even before I got to "know" her. Her mind had made her ambitions clear enough. But of course she wasn't aware of that, and she was still bitter that I hadn't shown her the same interest as any of the other boys from school.

It did help that I intimidated her though; it certainly put a damper on things.

_What the… That's not possible!_

I became frantic as I tried to draw a proper conclusion to Jessica's terror. I had been occupied with the way Mike had touched Bella's shoulder, as if he was trying to encourage her, but it just came off as obnoxious to me. What did I miss? Clearly Bella was uncomfortable by a statement Mike had made, and her face was now covered in that infamous blush. I was boiling. I was supposed to be the one who was doing that to her. How dare he even –

_No, no, no. No way! He did not just ask her about Edward!_

_"Did Bella just blush when Mike mentioned Edward?"_

I froze at the mention of my name. Jessica was now talking to Lauren who was just as intrigued as her friends by Bella and Mike's conversation. If they only could move a little closer so I could actually hear what they were saying myself. I tuned in on Lauren.

_"She's probably just as obsessed with Cullen as she clearly is with Mike. Just look at her. Ugh."_

_"No, I'm not so sure if she's even interested in Mike at all. I mean, come on! Look at that blush. I've never seen her blush with him before." Jessica stated and looked back at the two of them with envy._

_I bet she wish she could have both… Soon she'll add Tyler to her collection. And she knows that Jess is head over heels for Newton. She's such a b –_

This was unbelievable. Even though I knew Mallory wasn't the biggest fan of Bella after Tyler Crowley had asked her about the dance, I never really kept in tune with her anymore. Clearly, she had developed a couple grudges, and by the tone of her thoughts I instantly felt hatred towards the girl myself.

I didn't know whether I should feel joy or sadness because of her blushing at the mention of my name, but at the moment I didn't see anything but red.

How could Lauren possibly feel that way when she didn't even know Bella? How could she be so malicious towards such a pure and kind girl?

I instantly felt the urge to protect my angel from all of these thoughts, and I nearly did before Mr. Varner caught me walking in the opposite direction of class.

"Is there anywhere else you'd rather be that is more important than class, Edward?" He called out judgingly, and I stopped before I turned back towards him.

"No sir." I didn't know if I should have felt grateful or annoyed by him stopping me, but there wasn't much I could do now anyway. Bella was already on her way to English and the others had all scurried over to their own classes.

"Good." _God, that kid gives me the creeps sometimes. I wonder…_

If I wasn't so good at keeping up my charade and having my emotions in check, I was absolutely sure I wouldn't have made it through the day without confronting Lauren and company, and teaching them some manners. But I was good at this and I had always been, so when three hours had passed and I was in gym with Alice and the offender herself, I made sure I wasn't giving her any attention.

Alice launched the shuttlecock at me with her racket without giving me any vocal warning, but I hit it back easily. It was nearly impossible to take me by surprise, as I was always able to read the other persons plans before they made a move.

_Darn. You looked preoccupied with thinking; I really thought I was going to get you this time…_

"Sorry Al." She swung her racket gracefully and tried to hit it harder this time, without making a show, so that I had to make an effort to really play with her.

_I saw you yelling at Lauren earlier. It was quite hilarious actually. She looked like she was having a heart attack, poor girl._

I couldn't help but chuckle at the vision Alice replayed in her head. She really did look frightened.

_Good thing you didn't do it though. The girl was about to turn suicidal, and it's not like she haven't got enough problems already._

Lauren Mallory was also one of those girls who had tried to make a move on me, but like with everyone else, I didn't give her much of my time to consider. It had made a huge hit on her ego, and when Tyler turned her down as well, she started to develop an eating disorder. Since I was the only one who knew about this, I felt guilty, and by Alice's demand I made sure to comment on Lauren's outfits and hair every once in a while. In a nice way of course…

Eventually she got over it and started acting normal again, her secret safely kept by my sister and I. She did try to talk to me again, as I probably had sent out some pretty weird signals to her, but this time I told her I had a girlfriend out of town and it hadn't anything to do with her. She accepted it sullenly, but at least it worked in my favor.

"Okay kids, pair up! First out are Edward and Alice against Lauren and Lee!" Coach Clapp ordered and my sister beamed at me. We all knew why Coach always paired Alice and I together mostly because none of the other students dared to pair with either of us voluntarily, but also because he enjoyed watching us out rule every single one of them. It wasn't really fair towards any of them, but I couldn't really care less. Gym wasn't anything but one hour of dullness.

I heard Lauren groan as she whispered to Lee, "This is so unfair. Get ready to lose in five seconds." They stepped out on the court and I was the first one to serve.

Of course none of them managed to hit it back. We continued like this for a couple minutes, and let them win a couple times just out of pity.

_Things are clearing up you know_, Alice thought giddily and I frowned.

_Relax, Edward, you won't kill her…_

A picture of my meadow came to life in her head; I could make out the silhouette of Bella sitting down among the lilies and roses with her back turned towards us. Her hair danced lively in the breeze and she was stroking something with her hands. A flicker of images erupted and suddenly I saw myself carefully resting my head on her chest with my eyes closed, listening to the steady rhythm of her heart. I hummed and Bella's eyes closed while she smiled.

The backlash was immense.

Her scent burned in my throat as I remembered what it really felt like to listen to her heart beating, how the tip of her tongue had felt like acid on my neck, how her leg had hitched around my waist.

She was so _warm_.

I hadn't even noticed that I had launched the shuttlecock right into Lauren's face when I was brought out of my trance by her screaming.

"YOU FUCKING JERK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" She shouted and covered her cheek with her hands. Lee was trying to pry her fingers away but she growled at him with venom so he stepped back, hands in the air.

"I'm so sorry. Here let me help you!" I exclaimed as I ran over to their side of the court, but then I remembered I wasn't supposed to touch her. I stopped midways and caught an ice bag that Coach Clapp tossed over. Alice's mental laugh filled the air, along with most of the other students.

_Oh dear…_

_This is amazing. Even better than reality TV!_

_Is it even possible to get a bruise from a shuttlecock?_

_Kid's got a strong arm. I don't know whether I should congratulate him or give him detention._

_HOW DID HE DO THAT?_

"Get the fuck over here you dimwit, my face is burning!" She spat and ripped the ice out of my hands as she glared at me. A massive purple and red bruise covered her left cheek and I was instantly worried I had crushed her cheekbone. If that was the case then I was most likely busted…

_Edward I love you! You don't have the faintest idea how many times I've wanted to hit that girl_, Alice chimed but she kept her facial expression cool.

"How do you feel," I asked while I just stood there beside her, not able to do anything. I wasn't even sure if I should care, she definitely deserved it, after all. And it was quite hilarious if I was going to be honest with myself.

Her eyes shot up at me, "How do I feel? HOW DO I FEEL? It feels like you fucking crushed my face with that fucking shuttlecock, you fucking bastard!"

"Lauren Mallory, watch the language!" Coach Clapp warned and she shot him daggers.

_Mental breakdown in 10 seconds if you don't make amends, Edward. Her face is fine, I don't see anything broken_, Alice thought urgently and I quickly composed myself before I turned back to face the spitfire.

"Look, Lauren, I am truthfully sorry," I walked closer to her and gently put my hands on her arms, her eyes following my gesture before she looked back up at me, "I wasn't paying attention and I don't know what's gotten to me."

I tried to turn on my most pleading look and I could feel her stiffen between my hands. Hopefully she was too distracted by my face to even notice the cold on her bare arms. Honestly, it didn't matter anymore.

_Oh no… Oh, no… I-I don't…_

"Will you please forgive me?" I pleaded with my eyes as I rubbed my hands up and down her arms soothingly. Strangely enough I didn't even notice her scent. She just… didn't smell anything at all. Huh.

_Shit, shit, shit! STOP!_

She trembled badly and it looked like her eyes were about to roll back in her head, so I let go of her quickly, not wanting her to faint or anything. I watched her make a quick exhale of breath that she'd obviously been holding, and she straightened her shorts before she returned the ice to her cheek.

"O-okay… I forgive you, I think." I gave her one of my crooked grin and she just shook her head before she stiffly turned on her heel and walked over to the bench.

"Didn't see that one coming, did you?" I chuckled and nudged Alice's tiny arm with my elbow. Alice wasn't easily surprised either, and therefore we were the outcast of our family. At least in games… But that didn't matter much; we played against each other every now and then in chess, and that worked just fine too. The only annoyance was a product of us being equally strong contenders as both were able to bust the other one's move.

_No. Two against four to you, I guess_, she stuck her tongue out.

_I'm going to get even with you eventually!_

"Just so you know, it was for Bella." I informed her, but she probably already knew that.

_Yeah, I know, I couldn't help but listen to you yelling at Lauren in that vision. I didn't even know you could be like that towards women. What a gentleman, Edward. Real hero._

I snorted. She deserved it nonetheless. It was true that I was rarely rude or mean to any women – aside from Bella that first day, which I still hadn't apologized for -, and I couldn't really make myself think about hurting one either. The 19th century had made me too much of a gentleman.

But there were still those girls who taunted my nerves as if they were dangling a piece of fresh meat in front of a wild lion. And those girls deserve to be put into place before anything drastic happens, much to their own good.

And I didn't classify Lauren as a woman either.

My emotions were a bundle of stress, anger, frustration and happiness when I was walking to Biology after lunch hour.

I was stressed because I didn't seem to have anything under control anymore.

I was angry because no one obviously knew their respective places in this world, and I desperately wanted to show them how things were supposed to be.

I was frustrated because there were so little time and so little ways to make things mine in the right way.

But even though all of these elements made my head ache in the strangest kind of way, there were always something else that overpowered everything else.

Happiness.

Because Bella was walking right beside me on our way to biology, and she was glowing like the sun, Jupiter and Mars all combined.

She was beautiful both inside and out. And like the selfish monster I was, I wanted her to be _mine_.

…

For the fourth time that week I climbed up to her bedroom window, and for the fourth time that week I pitied myself.

Mostly because I was sneaking into a girl's room in the middle of the night and she wasn't even awake, waiting on her bed so that I could steal her away from her father's possession, like in movies. But I also pitied myself because I was a tragic fool who didn't know the difference between right and wrong, even if it hit me straight in the face.

The lights were off, and she was gripping onto her sheets desperately, tossing and turning every fifth minute. I wished I could hold her again, stroke her hair and feel her heartbeat against my chest.

But I couldn't.

I sat down on the edge of her bed while she trashed her head. She had been like this all week ever since I had lied next to her, but as much as I wanted to wake her up and make the bad dreams go away, I couldn't. Because everything I had worked for would be ruined and I would be broken.

I wished she could stay away from me, or at least make an effort to spare her own life. I knew that it was impossible for me to leave her, but what if she left me? Wouldn't that be exactly what I wanted?

If she made the decision to keep a distance from me or maybe even hate me, wouldn't that make it better or at least easier for me to keep a distance as well?

I had warned her frequently that I was dangerous and that she should stay away from me, but no matter how much I tried to prevent it, I fell madly in love with her.

But of course Bella's just too stubborn to listen to my warnings and too willing to be interested in me against my will, and now I am trapped in an endless black hole of contradictory, and I surely enjoy it too much for my own good.

Maybe I've been keeping my eyes shut throughout this… rollercoaster ride, and I don't know when to expect the loops and the twists. I have no idea when to scream when we're rushing down the slopes and I don't even know when to hold my breath when we're climbing the hills.

But, even if this _is_ going extremely fast, and I _am_ keeping my eyes shut, I will always be able to feel the rush and the joy, the butterflies in the stomach and the sensation of feeling weightless when you're on the top of a hill, because I am _not_ blind by heart.

This… relationship we share can be compared to that rollercoaster ride all the children get an adrenaline rush from, but all the adults think are extremely boring although they join their kids nevertheless, just because they want to humor them.

I am the child in this relationship. Bella is the adult. This is our ride, and it will for always be that way. And as for me, I would gladly take the ride over and over again as long as she wanted to do so too. And when she's had enough, I would walk away and leave the ride for never to return again.

I laughed at myself for comparing Bella to a rollercoaster, and I decided that tonight was not the night when I was going to weep over the lost love that I never really had. Her trashing had calmed, her grip on the sheets had loosened as it was now only covering parts of her legs, and she was breathing evenly through her nose, faint breathing sounds filled my ears for each time she exhaled.

My fingers traced the hem of her tatty t-shirt that had claimed its property two days ago, and even though I was sad that the boy shorts and tank top were gone, I was more than happy to see her sweats back on. This was more like Bella. The Bella I knew, at least.

The waistband of her sweats hugged her hips snuggly, and when she was laying on her back like that the peaks of her hips held up the waistband so that you could see the top of her underwear.

I was horrified.

Not only because this spurred too many human feelings to life, but also because I had caught myself looking at it. The white fabric had a tiny bow with a pearl on top, and I just couldn't stop staring.

I quickly covered her with the sheets and glanced at her face. She was so peaceful, and yet so vulnerable. I let myself touch her soft lips, and a tender smile appeared against the tips on my fingers when I let my other hand stroke her cheek. She hummed.

"Mmm, Edward." She whispered and sighed. The air hit the back of my throat with full force and I quickly backed away, there was no need to play with fire. This wasn't the same like when I had held her and she had snuggled up against me. I didn't know why, but somehow her scent was richer today, stronger.

Her saying my name wasn't unusual so I just smiled and looked at her one last time before I turned to look around her room.

I hadn't really checked it out while I had been here, probably because I felt like I was invading her private space, but sometimes the curiosity got the best for me.

Like when I had seen a picture on her nightstand and I couldn't keep myself from picking it up and having a closer look. It had been a picture of my angel and her mom at the beach, Bella having her arms around Renée's neck and Renée encircling hers around Bella's waist. They both looked so happy and free…

I had also looked through Bella's stack of books, and I was very satisfied with my discovery. She was into classics like the Brontë sister's Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre, but she also enjoyed poems by Robert Frost and Greek poems like The Odyssey. She had a rare taste for today's seventeen year olds, but needless to say, this didn't surprise me.

Bella was classic, even though she didn't necessarily dress in high street fashion or listened to the same music as everyone else did. She had her own ways of living, her own prospect and most intriguing of all, a silent mind of mystery. She was glorious, and ironically just as intelligent as Odysseus himself, and I wouldn't be shocked if she was smarter than me.

As I paced the room I flicked through the pages of Odysseus fights, and I would be impressed if Bella really had gotten through this without having a hard time for starters. I had read this story multiple times, but I couldn't comprehend why she would be interested in Greek mythology. The book also seemed old, and I could see that she had read it quite a few times as the pages were crumbled and the bind was worn. She couldn't have been more than thirteen when she read this…

I spread the book a little more to inspect it further, but suddenly I felt something land on my feet along with a quiet thump. It was a pink envelope with girly handwriting on it and I was instantly curious. The book was put back down on its original spot and I picked up the envelope before I sat down on the bed again.

It had a strange shape, and I could feel something soft but yet kind of hard inside of it along with a piece of paper. My fingers lingered on the opening and I wondered if it would be rude if I opened it, just to look.

Of course it would. I wasn't stupid.

But I wasn't determined enough to keep my fingers away from slipping the paper out and folding it open.

I wasn't sure how to react at the content. Inside the letter were two packs of condoms and black sharpie was scrawled all over the paper. As I read a constant frown was plastered on my face,

_PRE-HAPPY SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY BELLS!_

_We are really looking forward to your party tomorrow night, but we wanted to give you this before the big day, just in case you might need 'em, if you get the point. Good luck, and have fun! Make sure you use them, or else you will suffer! Just kidding, just kidding.  
We love you!_

_Kisses from Elizabeth, Claire, Jess and Mary._

I quickly put the letter back in the envelope and placed it inside the book on the exact same page. I didn't move.

What had I just read? Had Bella been forced to do something with someone she most likely didn't know or possibly not even wanted by her friends? Had she obliged? Were there originally three packs of condoms in that envelope? Maybe even four or five? Didn't they sell those in six packs? I wouldn't know.

I didn't know what to say. Of course it made sense that Bella dated back in Arizona, or that she even had a boyfriend. She was beautiful and everything else a guy could ever want, so why wouldn't she? And why was I suddenly feeling so… so… _jealous_?

This was ridiculous. It wasn't any of my business when it came to who she dated or who she had sex with, it wasn't like I owned her. Just because I happened to be her lab partner and her secret vampire stalker, I wasn't in the right to know anything about this.

I wondered if I could ask her about this sometime, maybe casually mention it in a conversation and see how she reacts. Most likely she would be disgusted with me, but what if it wasn't that much of a deal to her? What if there were in fact only two packs of condoms in that envelope and I had blown this completely out of proportions?

I decided it didn't matter. For now…

She was here now, and as far as I knew, she wasn't seeing anyone besides me. And we weren't exactly seeing each other either, for that matter.

I would let her know, sooner or later, and if even if she rejected me, I would be grateful.

Grateful because somehow she had made me love again.

Grateful because she had awoken the human inside of me, and now I wouldn't let anything or anyone tame the monster but her.

* * *

**To those of you who wished Edward really did crush Lauren's ugly face with that shuttlecock, review now!**

**I also feel like telling you that I laughed every time I typed shuttlecock… I don't know why.**


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